A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'  
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'
  He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye. The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
  This happens several weeks in a row.
  The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
  Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?' The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.
  She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
  The Holiday Inn charges $98.
  The Hilton charges $139
  We do it here
  For $50, and I get  $43 back from Medicare.

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he
glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate
would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or
pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston ."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked!,

"What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from
my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about
sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men
are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native
American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when
actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina
is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little! uncomfortable and blushed.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this
with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

 

Bet you'll go to your kitchen to check this one out. I did.

Well, I'm not telling everyone my age, as most of you already know ... BUT ... I had to go into the kitchen and check this out for myself.  Who ever looks at the end of your aluminum foil box?  What a fantastic idea.  Now, if someone would just make plastic wrap that didn't stick to itself.

I've been using aluminum foil for more years than I care to remember. Great stuff, but sometimes it can be a pain. You know, like when you are in the middle of doing something and you try to pull some foil out and the roll comes out of the box. Then you have to put the roll back in the box and start over. The darn roll always comes out at the wrong time.

Well, I would like to share this with you. Yesterday I went to throw out an empty Reynolds foil box and for some reason I turned it and looked at the end of the box.  And written on the end it said, “Press here to lock end”. Right there on the end of the box is a tab to lock the roll in place. How long has this little locking tab been there?  I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had one, too.  I then looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too!  I can’t count the number of times the Saran warp roll has jumped out when I was trying to cover something up.

I’m sharing this with my friends that did not know this.  If you all ready know this, delete this message and don’t e-mail me and make me feel dumber than I already feel.  If you didn’t know this, e-mail me and let me know so I won’t feel so dumb.

I hope I’m not the only person that didn’t know about this.

Genealogy
 
A little girl asked her father, "How did the human race appear?"
The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made

"Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.  The mother answered,
"Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.
"The confused girl returned to her father and said,
"Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,
and Mama said they developed from monkeys?"
The father answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. 
I told you about my side of the family and
your Mama told you about hers."